I am happy that I have not waited nearly four months to do a post! I just got home from my full day of Monday classes, and OMG! I should have gotten more sleep LOL!!
All I will say (without revealing too much of my actual schedule) is that getting up at 7 AM and listening to lectures until nearly 10 PM is going to take some practice. I am going to need to find the happy medium on keeping alert enough to drive home. Normally, I am not out after dark, and I got a little sleepy on my way home because the heat was up. I made it though 🤗
Before I start…oh wait. I already started. 🤣
So, before I continue, let me just say that I am not complaining about my classes. I really enjoy this semester (besides the Keyboarding 2 still). Legit is good! It means that I am being challenged, which sometimes is rare for me. I don’t mean that to “toot my own horn”, it’s just the fact of my experience throughout life. School was always so easy for me. Previous college classes were super easy for me. The only subjects that I struggled with were in subjects that I hated, like Statistics and Biology.
My takeaway is that I give these professors big…actually, HUGE…kudos for working all day, going to court, etc., and then giving me a piece of their time to teach me what they do. The way I think about things has already been enhanced (not altered) when thinking about all things concerning law, democracy, constitutional rights, and human rights. It’s a different way to see the values involved in the paralegal profession along with the integrity someone has to have to be a paralegal or legal assistant. Even the office assistants that sit at the front desk get my respect.
With my eyes struggling to look at anymore words tonight, I will close this post for now. This one may get an update after update. It will be good to see the progress on this post.
I am not sure when it happened, but I became comfortable being Amy. I learned that I was a pretty cool person with a heart and goals that shaped me to who I am today because of the woes and woos of the past. That is why this #dailyprompt has me writing to all of you today about my mission. It’s not just a paragraph or two of my opinion. It’s me…in print form.
As a young girl, I was congenial and social, which is actually the opposite of who I am today. While I still love to take a good selfie, my social game is much different now. I have social anxiety, and I always say that I am socially unacceptable because I lack a filter. Public speaking is scary, but I do it when it has to be done.
I suppose we could start with my legs and my uphill battles that molded me. I was not afraid of taking steps because I literally had to learn to walk the hard way. I think I was 9-10 months old or so when the doctor had to reset my legs to prevent me from walking “bow-legged”. I only know this because of pictures that my grandmother had of me with a cast upon each of my legs. Honestly, I am guessing about the age I was when I sported the casts, but if my sister was sitting here, she could probably tell you exactly.
It took me a very long time to find myself and what I wanted to do with my life. I lacked the life skills to get up, take myself to work, and come home in my younger years. I was 20 years old when I had my first child, and I was 29 when I had my last child. From 1996 until 2012, I was a parent. I was a single parent from 1996 until 2003 when I met “the monster” of my life, and we had a son together in 2005. This is where everything went wrong…not because of having a son, but for who I chose to have him with. That choice led me here.
When you live with the devil, you have to learn to find the light. From my teenage years (age 14 and up) until 2017, my light would go from bright to dim to dark to light to dim over and over again. The first devil was my mom’s boyfriend, and the second time I found the devil…I married him. Twice. (God was trying to tell me something when the marriage did not “take” the first time…and of course, I did not see it.)
In April of 2013, my first suicide attempt happened, and my best friend at the time heard my breath escape me over the phone. I had said my goodbyes, and I was okay with dying. I had nothing left to lose because my choices cost me the only thing that mattered in my life, which is my children. I had been told that I would never get them back no matter what I did, and I had honestly ran out of money to continue fighting. Everyone stopped helping me, and eventually…I gave up too. When I did not die, which I damn well should have after taking a whole bottle of Prozac (28 pills) and a 12-pack of Strawber-ritas, I was a different person. I did not have to go to the hospital and get my stomach pumped, and I did not have any effects of taking all of the pills besides an overwhelming sleepiness. A few cups of strong coffee and the support of good friends, and I was back on my two feet.
There were other ups and downs in the next few years of finding myself all over again. I had to learn how to be a mother that does not have any children that want her. (The story about my kids is a whole other post, or a novel, that is still too hard to write. Those that know me and love me in life know my story, what happened, and why I am here today.)
The reason why all of that is important when telling you about my mission is because my mission also became my purpose.
Mission 1: Finding Amy
Over the years 2007 and beyond, I figured out that there was still life outside of Ash Flat, Arkansas. From 2007 until 2012, I secluded myself in online MMORPG games and SecondLife. Finally, it happened…he found new prey. He found other women.
This was my chance to get free, and this is where I had to leave it all in the past. If I kept looking backward, I would never be able to go forward. I had to make a plan to get well, and then I had to find a way to get away from the abuse. That took me four years.
When I moved to California, my freedom came slowly, but I was on the right path. Everything they said to me, I remembered. In the back of my mind, that became my fuel, but I didn’t realize that I found another version of me. I found an Amy…just not the one that is writing this post, which leads me to Mission #2.
Mission 2: Say Goodbye to What Was Holding Me Back
Even though I was no longer his concubine, it was hard to break free of him without the life skills I needed to make my own money. I had been completely dependent on him bringing home the bacon, so to say. We still talked every single day, and I knew that I was holding on to something that was toxic. It was hard to say “goodbye” to my old life. We both had moved on, but my mindset was still in submissive mode. I relapsed into my old ways, and I tried to die again.
It was like the day in 2013, except this time I did not take a whole bottle of pills…I took stronger ones, and I drank stronger alcohol. No dice. I still woke up again. It made me see that I had some purpose on this planet beyond loving a man or hiding from a broken life. I literally woke up better than the day before; however, I was still chasing the light.
(It’s important to take note that I thought love was that light, and I had been chasing it for far too long. I was looking for it long before any monster in my bed. Love was lacking in my upbringing, so I found it in bad ways.)
Mission 3: Prove Them Wrong
Them…one was my now ex-husband, and the other was my mother. When I made the choice to leave Arkansas permanently and stay with my sister and her family, they uttered the words that drove me to find a way to prove them wrong.
They said, “We’ll see how well you survive out there without me”, and “You’ll be back in no time because you cannot make it on your own”. The main phrase I remember was when he said, “You’ll be nothing without me…you just wait and see”.
In 2018, I met a guy that would show me the world through different eyes. We were together for 2 years, and now we are really great friends. The best part about him was that he had a story, and I got to see how the world really looked instead of looking at it through rose-colored glasses.
When I was fighting for my babies, I did all of the legal research on my case for my lawyer, so when I met Steph…I put those skills to work again. This made me see MY light. I thought he was the light, but what I was doing for him was actually the light I had been looking for.
((Skip bad break-up here in 2020))
In May of 2021, I graduated with two degrees because I met him and figured out that wrongful convictions mattered to me. Civil rights mattered to me. His story led me to my new story. Until my mental health got in the way…
Mission 4: Get Right
No man. No depression. No anxiety. No stress. No worries. Sounds good, right? Pfft…cue next breakdown.
How the hell would I accomplish that? As I sat there looking at my degrees hanging on the wall, I couldn’t help but wonder how to get to the next phase of my life. It was like, “Now what the hell am I going to do with myself?”
For the longest time, I would say, “I don’t want to take a pill to be normal”. As of today, I take several pills to be normal. The truth was that I was scared that I would take the pills and finish what I started in the darkest time of my life.
Getting right began at the end of 2021 and is still happening. I found a psychiatrist that helps me work through my diagnosis, which was Bipolar II Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. The symptoms of the two overlap, but the diagnoses made the most sense than anything else in my life.
I finally knew why I felt like I was weird or socially awkward. I finally knew why I couldn’t look at myself and love myself. The smallest thing when I was unmedicated was HUGE. When my medications began working, life became less dire and much bigger. I had accomplished my mission of getting right with myself.
Mission 5: Pathway to Law School
This is where we are now. That is my mission and my purpose. I want to be a lawyer and help people like me in family courts. I want to help people like Steph that have been thrown into a broken system without any proof. (You will hear his story soon on my first podcast that we are working on.)
When I graduated from West Hills, my daughter bought me a water bottle that says, “Change the World”. When she gave it to me, she said, “Because, Momma, you are going to change the world…I believe that about you!”
I better not let her down.
Now, there is a lot of information in between all of this information that I did not post. As I read through the stories…my story…I realized that I have a lot to share. One of these days, I may write my memoir. Until then, my mission is to help as many people as possible before I die. A higher power wouldn’t let me die, so here I am.
Hi everyone! My Spring 2023 semester will begin on January 17, and it will run until May 24. I had hoped to catch up on here more before the next one started, but life happens. This semester is going to be nose-in-the-book the entire semester. I will try to come up for air when I need the break.
Here are my classes (in no particular order):
I am excited for the majority of those classes, especially the legal research and the civil procedures. I am also stoked to take the law class with one of my favorite instructors from the Fall. The bottom two classes are needed for my Pathway to Law program, and the other three are focused within the paralegal degree.
Instructors should realize that first impressions matter from the students that are accessing the material ahead of time. The reason I say this is because of the first class on the list… He is going to have to work hard at gaining my trust and respect because right now…I’m a bit ticked off.
The reason that I am not excited about the Keyboarding one because of the rules he sets forth seem to be an invasion of privacy and resemble being treated like an 8th grader. I am stoked to learn the advanced features of Word, but I will have to see how him and I get along after the first class. The first impression against him is negative for me after viewing the syllabus and supporting documents.
For example, I buy all my books for school through VitalSource because of the features that accompany the books. So, my tablet will be the main source of my textbook for that class. Sometimes I bring the Fire, and sometimes I bring my laptop. I am pre-law. I have a lot of stuff I don’t want to close out, and I have all my books open to where I left off.
His rule is that every Tuesday when I come to class that I have to bring my tablet up to him for an inspection to gain his approval to use it. Not once…but EACH class period. Then he says my brightness has to be high enough for him to see it when he walks by, and I am only allowed one tab to be open when he inspects it.
It feels juvenile to me, and I am not comfortable with my device being inspected by someone like that. I may have to visit him before or after class to go over what I feel is acceptable of my devices.
Am I being petty, or is it the career path that I am on that thinks this is a huge invasion of privacy?
As a 46 yo woman, I am not going to be snapping or tweeting while I am in class. I am not going to be going live on IG, and I would be bringing my devices to class to work on work in his class. It makes me wonder if anyone else has freaked out about his rules, or if I am just a pain in the ass lol.
Hi Friends! I have been in scramble mode while getting ready for my next semester to start and getting things in order at home with the upcoming surgery on my wrist and elbow on the 18th. With that planning and scrambling came a new book list from one of my classes, and so I will be adding them to my reading list on my home page that I have pinned up.
Tomorrow will be another full day, but I wanted to check in and let you guys know that I am thinking of you. School (even in the off-time) is taking a bunch of my time along with job interviews and now my surgery stepping in to take up some unplanned time. I will find out by the 17th what time my surgery arrival time will be for the 18th. I had to get blood taken last week, and this week I have been reorganizing my room before I have to rest my elbow and wrist. The doctor is fixing the carpal tunnel and cubital tunnel syndrome in my right (dominant) arm because the nerves are compressed. The tricky part is that I start classes on Monday with surgery on Thursday. I am happy for technology and talk to text options (haha!). I do hope that the first week will be more reading than typing. I am going to use my phone to record the lectures (if allowed). If it’s not hard for me then I worry usually, so it’s going according to plan I suppose. Hence the image used for this post. I want my path to lead somewhere. I am metaphorically raising my glass to the welcoming of the obstacle to make me stronger. Here Here!
Also, I would like to invite you all to leave me book recommendations as well. I am trying to get better about reading, building my professional and personal library, and expanding my knowledge of things that are relevant to the career and life I want to live. Even if your views do not align with mine, I would love to read the opposing sides to the stances that I take. It’s important to see the grass on both sides of the fence. That’s my view of opposing views anyway 😄 It makes for a good debate and great conversations.
Hello everyone! I hope you enjoyed the few posts that I shared and wrote this week so far. I am hoping to be more active and write up some good blog posts for you all to enjoy in the next few weeks. I’m due for a check-in with you all, so here we go.
I finished my Summer 2022 session with a 4.0 GPA in my Fed Gov and ConLaw classes.
My next semester starts on August 15, 2022 with five more classes.
Black Ethnic Studies
Introduction to Paralegalism
Sociology of Deviance
Lastly, I got a little bit of a wrench thrown into my first few weeks of classes yesterday, but it is going to be okay. I have to have surgery on my right wrist and elbow on August 18. I don’t think it will impede my progress too much, but it’s definitely going to slow me down in typing and writing, since that is my dominant hand…
I do have a job interview with Dept. of Corrections on July 29, and I am hoping that I will be able to get free of being on disability soon if my body will cooperate LOL.
Today was going to be a “catch-up on cleaning” day, but I was super unmotivated mostly. I did have to go out at 1 PM and put air in my tires on my car since some had lost some air while sitting. After messing with Delilah’s feet (tires), I had to go have mine looked at.
My trip to Vegas reminded me that walking equaled pain, but I had made an appointment before we left. I have been having problems with my heels for quite some time, but I had never been to a foot doctor. So…I sucked it up and made the appointment.
Today, my appointment was at 3 PM, and I got home a little before 4. I was pretty spot-on with my self-diagnosis. It felt like I had bone spurs on my heels and plantar fasciitis in at least one of my feet. (Not the kind of spurs you put on your heels and then kick the horse, by the way 😁)The X-rays confirmed both of those, except I have both on both feet. He gave me a shot in my right heel (which hurt worse than labor…I nearly kicked him by reflex), and he put me in a compression bandage that I have to wear for at least 5 days to help me with the stretches I must do 5x a day.
I must add that my body is much older than my age and my mind, which I take after my Mom’s side of the family. Dad never complained when he was not feeling good or when he had pain. I wish I was more like that, but my body is full of issues that I cannot even hide from.
With that said, I am going to take me and my bum feet to bed to snuggle with my puppies.
I am back! First I am going to share some photos, and then I am going to repent for my actions. I did not leave Vegas richer financially, but I did leave with a wealth of happy times to reflect on later. We stayed at the Paris, and it was nice.
I want to first talk about how guilty I feel for enjoying myself when all of the beautiful women in this unrecognizable country are suffering. I know…I shouldn’t feel that way, but I do. I want to share the happy moments because I think we are about to have a lot of bad moments.
The first night, Friday, we went to see the Jabbawockeez. That was one of the most fun and best shows I think we had on our trip, except for the near naked Aussie Men 🤣. They were interactive and really put on a great show for their fans. The second day, we ate at Hells Kitchen and then went to the Thunder Down Under show (…many firsts on this trip, and this is one of them lol.) I came, saw, and conquered on that one. I would share but not sure you all want to see all that LOL.
Then, last night we went to Criss Angel’s Mindfreak after eating some Mexican food at YOLOs, and I was a bit disappointed. I had the highest hopes for this show, but it was highly sexualized and had more of a movie aspect of it for promotions to his other undertakings. He’s a great guy, and I still love him. I just think he gave up on the show that made him Criss Angel. I did get to pose with the beautiful Tatiana and Criss’s straightjacket.
Today, we headed home around noon after eating at the Cracker Barrell in Nevada. We made it home around 5:40-ish this evening.
As we were on our way to Las Vegas, the Dobbs decision came through on our phones. My sister and I felt heavy and our hearts ached. I needed the break away but felt horrible that I was not sitting here at my computer when the news broke about Roe and Casey.
I will have plenty of things to say and action steps to take. I did make my stand by wearing my RBG voices shirt. It says “Speak Your Mind Even If Your Voice Quivers”. I wasn’t looking for praise or thumbs up, but I got plenty. It was nice to know that folks read the shirt and could relate to it. I wish I would have gotten a better photo of it. (We consumed a few adult beverages lol.)
Now…without a hitch…I will be fighting for legislation in California to protect enhanced women’s healthcare in our state, and I will be very loud about calling for the impeachment of Neil Gorsuch, Brett Kavanaugh, and Amy Coney Barrett. They lied under oath, which last time I checked was called perjury and is a crime, and they have committed crimes against the women of this country. I also call for the impeachment for Clarence Thomas for being married to an insurrectionist and supporting her radical views from the bench. All four of these judges are setting their own agendas on American lives, and someone better start impeaching the asshats.
I am thankful that I got this little vacation because now I am refreshed and ready to stomp on some old balls that have nothing better to do than bounce on our rights…pun intended.
Hi everyone! Here I am! Sorry I have been MIA! My schoolwork is literally running me from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed most days. My POLS 005 class is doing five chapters at a time, which consists of a study guide for each chapter, a discussion comment for each chapter, and a discussion response (including references in both initial and response) for every freakin’ chapter.
Now, on June 13th, my ConLaw class opened, so I am starting the coursework on it today (along with doing my 2nd exam study guide, so I can complete the exam in my fed gov class by Thursday and Friday). Which brings me back to “Holy shit, Batman!”
My ConLaw class is set up as three chapters at a time, so between now and the time we leave for Vegas on the 24th that I have 6 chapters worth of work to complete in order to enjoy my vacation.
Here let me demonstrate what that looks like when things are not crossed out like in the picture above. 🤣😂😲🤯 The green is ConLaw and the purple is Fed Gov:
So, again I say, “Holy shit, Batman! 26 assignments and a reflection paper that is not listed there…