The Mission and Purpose of Me

What is your mission?

#dailyprompt

I am not sure when it happened, but I became comfortable being Amy. I learned that I was a pretty cool person with a heart and goals that shaped me to who I am today because of the woes and woos of the past. That is why this #dailyprompt has me writing to all of you today about my mission. It’s not just a paragraph or two of my opinion. It’s me…in print form.

As a young girl, I was congenial and social, which is actually the opposite of who I am today. While I still love to take a good selfie, my social game is much different now. I have social anxiety, and I always say that I am socially unacceptable because I lack a filter. Public speaking is scary, but I do it when it has to be done.

I suppose we could start with my legs and my uphill battles that molded me. I was not afraid of taking steps because I literally had to learn to walk the hard way. I think I was 9-10 months old or so when the doctor had to reset my legs to prevent me from walking “bow-legged”. I only know this because of pictures that my grandmother had of me with a cast upon each of my legs. Honestly, I am guessing about the age I was when I sported the casts, but if my sister was sitting here, she could probably tell you exactly.

It took me a very long time to find myself and what I wanted to do with my life. I lacked the life skills to get up, take myself to work, and come home in my younger years. I was 20 years old when I had my first child, and I was 29 when I had my last child. From 1996 until 2012, I was a parent. I was a single parent from 1996 until 2003 when I met “the monster” of my life, and we had a son together in 2005. This is where everything went wrong…not because of having a son, but for who I chose to have him with. That choice led me here.

When you live with the devil, you have to learn to find the light. From my teenage years (age 14 and up) until 2017, my light would go from bright to dim to dark to light to dim over and over again. The first devil was my mom’s boyfriend, and the second time I found the devil…I married him. Twice. (God was trying to tell me something when the marriage did not “take” the first time…and of course, I did not see it.)

In April of 2013, my first suicide attempt happened, and my best friend at the time heard my breath escape me over the phone. I had said my goodbyes, and I was okay with dying. I had nothing left to lose because my choices cost me the only thing that mattered in my life, which is my children. I had been told that I would never get them back no matter what I did, and I had honestly ran out of money to continue fighting. Everyone stopped helping me, and eventually…I gave up too. When I did not die, which I damn well should have after taking a whole bottle of Prozac (28 pills) and a 12-pack of Strawber-ritas, I was a different person. I did not have to go to the hospital and get my stomach pumped, and I did not have any effects of taking all of the pills besides an overwhelming sleepiness. A few cups of strong coffee and the support of good friends, and I was back on my two feet.

There were other ups and downs in the next few years of finding myself all over again. I had to learn how to be a mother that does not have any children that want her. (The story about my kids is a whole other post, or a novel, that is still too hard to write. Those that know me and love me in life know my story, what happened, and why I am here today.)

The reason why all of that is important when telling you about my mission is because my mission also became my purpose.

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Mission 1: Finding Amy

Over the years 2007 and beyond, I figured out that there was still life outside of Ash Flat, Arkansas. From 2007 until 2012, I secluded myself in online MMORPG games and SecondLife. Finally, it happened…he found new prey. He found other women.

This was my chance to get free, and this is where I had to leave it all in the past. If I kept looking backward, I would never be able to go forward. I had to make a plan to get well, and then I had to find a way to get away from the abuse. That took me four years.

When I moved to California, my freedom came slowly, but I was on the right path. Everything they said to me, I remembered. In the back of my mind, that became my fuel, but I didn’t realize that I found another version of me. I found an Amy…just not the one that is writing this post, which leads me to Mission #2.

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Mission 2: Say Goodbye to What Was Holding Me Back

Even though I was no longer his concubine, it was hard to break free of him without the life skills I needed to make my own money. I had been completely dependent on him bringing home the bacon, so to say. We still talked every single day, and I knew that I was holding on to something that was toxic. It was hard to say “goodbye” to my old life. We both had moved on, but my mindset was still in submissive mode. I relapsed into my old ways, and I tried to die again.

It was like the day in 2013, except this time I did not take a whole bottle of pills…I took stronger ones, and I drank stronger alcohol. No dice. I still woke up again. It made me see that I had some purpose on this planet beyond loving a man or hiding from a broken life. I literally woke up better than the day before; however, I was still chasing the light.

(It’s important to take note that I thought love was that light, and I had been chasing it for far too long. I was looking for it long before any monster in my bed. Love was lacking in my upbringing, so I found it in bad ways.)

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Mission 3: Prove Them Wrong

Them…one was my now ex-husband, and the other was my mother. When I made the choice to leave Arkansas permanently and stay with my sister and her family, they uttered the words that drove me to find a way to prove them wrong.

They said, “We’ll see how well you survive out there without me”, and “You’ll be back in no time because you cannot make it on your own”. The main phrase I remember was when he said, “You’ll be nothing without me…you just wait and see”.

In 2018, I met a guy that would show me the world through different eyes. We were together for 2 years, and now we are really great friends. The best part about him was that he had a story, and I got to see how the world really looked instead of looking at it through rose-colored glasses.

When I was fighting for my babies, I did all of the legal research on my case for my lawyer, so when I met Steph…I put those skills to work again. This made me see MY light. I thought he was the light, but what I was doing for him was actually the light I had been looking for.

((Skip bad break-up here in 2020))

In May of 2021, I graduated with two degrees because I met him and figured out that wrongful convictions mattered to me. Civil rights mattered to me. His story led me to my new story. Until my mental health got in the way…

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Mission 4: Get Right

No man. No depression. No anxiety. No stress. No worries. Sounds good, right? Pfft…cue next breakdown.

How the hell would I accomplish that? As I sat there looking at my degrees hanging on the wall, I couldn’t help but wonder how to get to the next phase of my life. It was like, “Now what the hell am I going to do with myself?”

For the longest time, I would say, “I don’t want to take a pill to be normal”. As of today, I take several pills to be normal. The truth was that I was scared that I would take the pills and finish what I started in the darkest time of my life.

Getting right began at the end of 2021 and is still happening. I found a psychiatrist that helps me work through my diagnosis, which was Bipolar II Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. The symptoms of the two overlap, but the diagnoses made the most sense than anything else in my life.

I finally knew why I felt like I was weird or socially awkward. I finally knew why I couldn’t look at myself and love myself. The smallest thing when I was unmedicated was HUGE. When my medications began working, life became less dire and much bigger. I had accomplished my mission of getting right with myself.

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Mission 5: Pathway to Law School

This is where we are now. That is my mission and my purpose. I want to be a lawyer and help people like me in family courts. I want to help people like Steph that have been thrown into a broken system without any proof. (You will hear his story soon on my first podcast that we are working on.)

When I graduated from West Hills, my daughter bought me a water bottle that says, “Change the World”. When she gave it to me, she said, “Because, Momma, you are going to change the world…I believe that about you!”

I better not let her down.

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Now, there is a lot of information in between all of this information that I did not post. As I read through the stories…my story…I realized that I have a lot to share. One of these days, I may write my memoir. Until then, my mission is to help as many people as possible before I die. A higher power wouldn’t let me die, so here I am.

My story is just beginning….

The Past is Today and Tomorrow

As this country becomes more and more recognizable to me, I wanted to drop in and write about a few things that I will be watching.

Image Credit: Pinterest

1. We had SCOTUS nominees commit perjury in their job interviews. If you or I did this in a job interview, and the employer found out, guess what would happen? We sure the hell wouldn’t keep our seat warm with that company, and a bad job reference to the next employer would follow.
   
   Lying under oath in a court of law is perjury, and if we do that, we get held in contempt of court. We go to jail. No one is supposed to be above the law, and I want to see some Articles of Impeachment on the congressional table along with a list of President Biden’s potential nominees to replace them. This country belongs to the people, and he works for us. Let’s get it done!
   
2. The Uvalde police chief needs to surrender more than his council position. This is self-explanatory…he’s incompetent and got those babies killed.
   
3. Jayland Walker was executed and maimed by nearly 90 bullets fired by the Blue. If you haven’t heard of this story, it’s atrocious and overkill. Click HERE to read the story.
   
4. Moore v. Harper is a case to watch on the SCOTUS docket.
   
5. House visits to justices have brought me happy tears. My favorite sign was “Keep Your Rosaries Off My Ovaries” at Amy Coney Barrett’s house protest. It’s all over twitter if you want to hear the marches by her house.
   
6. Most important! The 10th Amendment! The 10th Amendment has a very meaningful definition if you pay attention to it. (I will follow this up with a picture from my ConLaw book.)
   
   The definition from my book for the 10th Amendment says, “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states, respectively, or to the people” (Hall, 2021). If you are new to ConLaw, your eyes are probably crossing, but I will spell it out a bit further.
   
   If a regulation infringes on Constitutional rights, the power of what happens to that regulation is in the hands of the people under this amendment. It’s not just supremacy and necessary and proper in the aspect of what people can do. Read that again. The people are the main aspect of the Constitution that SCOTUS and Congress forgets about. Let me show you:

This is a great guide from my textbook of the powers in the 10th Amendment. Citation below.

That first question and answer…is us! It’s our power if something encroaches on our liberties and rights. Why? I am so glad you asked! It’s because every person sitting in Congress and POTUS are voted into office by the PEOPLE. So, each and every one of them work for us.

This means that it is also up to us to put on the pressure to get results. That is how Roe got overturned. The radical asshats were louder and more pushy than we were causing them to be heard over us. They pushed harder than the pro-choice people.

Do you want to know how to fix it all?

…drum roll…

Vote!

…drum roll…

Use Amendment X to our advantage by putting pressure on Congress to do our bidding.

To reiterate what the picture above asks and points out:

Does the regulation encroach upon civil liberties or rights of the people? If the answer is “Yes”, neither level of government can regulate the regulation (state or federal).

Let’s imagine a scenario for a moment where everyone who feels their civil liberties and/or rights have been trampled on by a piece of legislation or decision takes their case to court, writes to their congressmen and women, visits their state capitals, etc. The courts and the governmental officials are going to get really sick of hearing from us and from us making their dockets fill up with 10th Amendment afflictions.

Here is my olive branch. If you want to join me in finding folks that have been impacted by an encroachment of civil liberties and civil rights, contact me. Let’s see what we can get done together.

In community,

Amy

References:

Hall, D. E., Feldmeier, J. (20210104). Constitutional Law: Govermental Powers and Individual Freedoms, 4th Edition. [[VitalSource Bookshelf version]]. Retrieved from vbk://9780135772621.

January 6th Hearings And A Snippet — Filosofa’s Word

I was going to write up my own summation of the Prime Time special about the January 6th insurrection, but my friend and sister, Jill Dennison, has written it the best I have seen yet.

I want to add that Bennie and Liz did a great job in their opening statements, and it shows that bipartisanship is possible. I think we will read those speeches in our history books, as they were honest addresses to the nation.

I am very curious what all is going to happen with these special event hearings and which Republicans were “asking for Presidential pardons” because I feel the convolution of psychotic ideas is going to go very deep into our democracy.

I also think that those telling the truth to the committee are very brave for standing up against a bully and terrorist to make sure someone is held accountable.

Please read Jill’s post and really take in her words. This is a conversation that needs to be had and made between constituents of our government’s political process. Voices always need to be heard. Hear Jill’s voice in her words.

In Community,

Amy

I mostly want to talk a bit about last night’s televised hearings, but also have another snippet … or maybe two … who knows?  🤷 January 6th Committee hearings I watched the televised hearings of the January 6th committee tonight, and I have to tell you, by the time they took a 10-minute recess after […]

January 6th Hearings And A Snippet — Filosofa’s Word

Second Amendment Thoughts Revisited — This, That, and The Other

Fandango at 5.0 analyzes the 2nd Amendment in this post, and I think everyone should read his analysis. It enforces what I was talking about in my Voices of the People post that I published last night regarding all of the shootings and massacres going on in the world.

Please visit his post and start a conversation about these issues.

I originally posted Second Amendment Thoughts last year around this time, but I thought, in light of the most recent incidents of mass shootings in the United States over the past two weeks, I thought it might be worth revisiting it. I’ve made some changes and updates to the original. I have perspectives regarding the […]

Second Amendment Thoughts Revisited — This, That, and The Other

The Voices of the People

The tragedies in Buffalo and Uvalde show us all how much hate there is in the world. I have written this post four different times and started over five times. That count could possibly go up immensely. I couldn’t make up my mind how political I wanted this post to be, and after two days of writing this post, here I am.

How do you put to words how a boy, who just turned into an adult, can go buy 2 guns in 2 days, take them home, kill his grandmother for being annoying, and then shoot up an elementary school?

How can privacy in this world be so bad that a maniac can find racially distinct demographic data on every human in the U.S, and worse, how do we explain how he uses that information to find a place to shoot people up based on their skin color?

Sickening. Madness. Disgraceful. Those are the only words I can find to describe domestic terrorism. I refuse to give these psychopaths a name on my site, as their names do not matter. They are terrorists of the worst kind. They prey on their own country men, women, and children.

I am tired of politicians justifying mass shootings with the mental condition of the psycho that steals people out of their lives. As someone who suffers from a mental illness, I know better than to go buy a gun and shoot people for no reason. I am tired of politicians hiding behind their little-minded worlds to protect their guns. I am all about protecting house and home, but assault rifles have no business on the streets or in the hands of regular citizens. The only people who should be using assault rifles is the Armed Forces.

Gun permits should always come with a waiting time before you can take home your weapon, and that waiting period should apply nationally. It should not matter who you are or what your pay grade is. It should not matter if you are the POTUS or just a girl sitting in her room writing about how gun laws need to change. NO ONE should be able to take home a weapon in a few minutes or a few hours, and you sure the hell should not be able to purchase guns several days in a row and build your arsenal to go and kill folks. NO ONE should be able to buy an assault rifle and automatic weapons.

The 2nd Amendment happened in a time when there were shoot outs in saloons and civil wars were happening. It was NEVER meant to be that any fool with a short fuse could go get a gun and shoot up anything they didn’t like or for no reason at all.

If you feel the same way I do, you must start using your voice. I will end this with a video from Stephen Kerr’s press conference yesterday. Listen to his words and emotion. He had a platform to use, and he used it. It’s time for me to use mine even more.

#IStandWithUvalde and #IStandWithBuffalo

Steve Kerr’s emotional speech on gun violence.